Epic Eating

A week and a half ago something epic happened.  And when I say epic, I actually mean that it wasn't epic, but you know me, I just talk like that.  So it was almost epic (better?)  Ben had never been to a fair before (this is the part where you gasp and think about all the heavenly deliciousness he has missed out on).  Needless to say, we went.  I mean, why wouldn't you when your parents cashed in all the coins they've been collecting for a while and bought you tickets?  It basically took me negative five seconds to say we were in. 

I warned Ben of one thing.  I don't care about the rides.  I did when I was younger and I still love them today, but they just don't do it for me as much as they used to.  Plus, if we're going to get really personal on this blog, let's just say that my post-baby body handles some things differently now (aka when I actually wondered if I would throw up on a ride for the first time in my life).  I was only going for the food, even if we were going to blow half of our week's grocery budget on it.  The angel and devil on my shoulders basically had a conversation like this:

Angel: All that fair food is no good.  High calories.  Empty calories.  Don't do it.  You're on a diet.
Devil:  Um... they have fried mac'n'cheese over there.  And fried candy bars.  And bloomin' onions.  And fried oreos...

At which point I cut the little devil off and said "Point made."  Here is what the four of us shared that day:  Deep fried snickers.  Deep fried oreos.  Deep fried mac'n'cheese.  Funnel cake.  Cotton candy.  Bloomin' onion.  Corndog.  Boiled Peanuts.  I'd say it was a success.

 Roller coaster training happens early in this family.  It's kind of a necessity if you're my child and you're going to keep up with me on the big rides someday.

 Skyler was hungry.  Enough said.

 Petting the baby ducks and chicks was a hit.



 The hot air balloons would spin like teacups.  The guy who ran the ride was like, "Don't spin your balloon until the ride starts."  So of course, my daughter Lily "Ringleader" Macbeth totally got their balloon spinning super fast which made every other kid start spinning theirs.  By the time Skyler got off the ride he looked like he had turned into an alcoholic by the way he was walking zig-zagged to get to me.

My word of advice: you have failed at having a fair experience unless you have eaten a week's worth of calories.  And since I didn't get to try everything I wanted to at the fair, I'm thinking about having a fair dinner one of these nights.  On the list are Krispy Kreme cheeseburgers, deep fried mashed potatoes, another bloomin' onion, and for Ben, another funnel cake.  Heck, maybe we'll steal the kiddos' halloween candy and deep fry those, too.  It'll be easy.  Like stealing candy from a baby.  Mwahahahaha!!!! 

"Can You Keep Me Alive?"

I read something in the lightbulb-going-on category today.  Shawn Bean is probably my absolute favorite magazine writer in the history of magazine writers.  He is a collumnist for a few popular parenting magazines.  Now I don't always agree with what he says, but I read something in one of his articles today that made me laugh out loud when I was in a bad mood.  He was talking about how when his son, Jackson, was a baby he freaked out over everything.  "Pulling a little arm through a blanket sleeper felt like cutting the green wire on a ticking explosive. Over time, I learned that not only would my son Jackson stay in one piece, he was a sturdy stunt baby who often turned our childproofing efforts into an impromptu game titled Can You Keep Me Alive?"

I can see it now: a board game with the same title sold to parents while they're expecting their first child.  Maybe Ben and I will make it.  We'll be millionaires and I can buy my year supply of Toblerones.  Imagine with me: you go around a board figuring out ways to react when your child swallows a needle.  Then you have to smile as you listen to your billionth offering of unwanted advice just because it worked for them.  Then you have to figure out how to force nutrients into your kid when they decide that eating is so overrated.  Then you have to ignore your child when you make an important phone call and they scream so loud you're sure that your neighbors are checking on you with binoculars to make sure you're not hurting them. 

The list goes on and on and on.... really, with kids, the possibilities are endless. 

Saturday was a day that could have ended up in that game.  It wasn't a good day.  Ben wasn't home at the time and I was in the bathroom doing my hair and makeup.  The kiddos were "watching a movie."  Then there was banging on the steps and giggling (are they carrying the toy bus downstairs again?) and after being in the bathroom for 10 minutes Lily started banging on my bedroom door.  "Mommy!  I dirty!"  Ummm... what?!  How are you dirty?  You weren't dirty when I left you.  I fling the door open and I shouldn't have been surprised.  Her hands were covered with the most wicked, abominable, wretched invention there ever was.  In fact, I'd consider it my nemesis in many ways.  Vaseline.  How.  Many.  Times.  Do.  I. Have. To.  Go.  Through.  This?!?!?!  Those little toddlers had carried a kitchen chair all the way upstairs so that they could reach the vaseline which was way out of their reach before.  Carpet.  Walls.  Handles.  Clothes.  More walls.  I can get it out of carpet in less than a minute... but walls??? 

I wanted a Mommy vacation.

Then today when I turned off the water when I finished showering, I heard the bang of the linen closet door.  Oh no.  Not good.  I run out to find blankets, towels, and wash cloths scattered everywhere.  Then even worse, they had climbed the shelves and taken down all of our board and card games.  Every possible moving piece to a bunch of games, every card in 3 sets of phase 10, Monopoly property cards, Boggle and Scrabble letters, Taboo and Pictionary cards, all of it mixed into one ugly concoction.  For FHE we spent an hour -- HOUR! -- cleaning up their mess. 

So when Ben and I start selling copies of "Can You Keep Me Alive?" it may have just as much to do with controlling your own frustrations as it has to do with child-proofing.  And once we own it, I had better not see it scattered all over the floor with Monopoly money. 

Wingless Buzz.

They're lucky they're cute.
But don't let those sweet faces fool you.

Changes

When people first meet my kids together the same reaction usually happens: their eyes pop and they curiously ask me, "How close are they in age?"  Umm... 13 months people.  I remember finding out I was pregnant when Lily had just barely turned 5 months old.  It was somewhat/sort of/OK...completely ridiculous.  It was also a surprise.  And I tried to be happy about it.  And I kind of was, depending on the day.

If you read my blog back then, it basically went like this:  "Oh my gosh.  This is so hard.  I think I'm going to die."  Or, "Oh my gosh, Skyler will never stop nursing or start sleeping.  I think I'm going to die."  Or, "Lily just tried eating Skyler's umbilical cord.  I think I'm going to die."

Well... I didn't die.  Whew.

Now that Lily is old enough to know that punching Skyler in the face doesn't count as a hug and that there are other/yummier/non-cannibalic snacks in the world, things are going much better for me as a mom. 

Sure my kids have rubbed the walls with anti-itch cream and vapo rub.  My carpet has been styled with vaseline.  My front door has even been finger painted in poop.  It's not always pleasant around these parts.  The barely-there age difference has made these two partners in crime, but I keep telling myself that at least they're partners.  At least they WANT to do these things together. 

But every morning I wake up by having the kids "jump cookies" on our bed (which really means that they just jump up and down yelling, "jumping cookies!"  Ben and I have no idea where they came up with that one...)  Then they will both come lie down with me and Skyler will press his forehead against mine, give my nose a kiss, and say softly, "Wake up, Mommy."  Every.  Single.  Morning.  It's pretty much the best way to wake up. 

Then during the rest of the day Lily and Skyler will go up into the castle and hide from dinosaurs and whales that are chasing them.  They often have conversations that I can't understand but then they end up rolling on the floor in laughter because even though I don't get it, they do. 

Ben and I always joke that we would never recommend having kids this close together.  But that would only be half true.  The begining was rougher than rough and I don't want to think about their financial future when they're going to college/on missions/getting married at the same time but everything in between is surreal.  So to people who pity me, don't. 

Now that Ben and I have been trying to get pregnant for months and months without success (with the exception of my miscarriage in August) I wish I could have told myself, "Be happy that you're having all-day sickness in your pregnancy.  At least you're pregnant!  Don't complain that you have to do 3 night-feedings a night for over a year.  At least you have a baby! Don't be upset that your kids are 13 months apart.  Some people can't even have one."  The list goes on.  Everyone has a plan to their life, but things don't always go that way. 

And sometimes that's when we're given the best blessings ever.

So if you ever find out that you're unexpectedly pregnant and your kids are going to be Irish Twins, don't freak out.  And don't read any of the blog posts I wrote in 2009.  Just remember that one day, your kids might be jumping cookies on your bed, too.  And then you'll pity everyone else.

Making Stuff

Today I've decided to do things a little out of the ordinary.  I'm going to talk about things that Ben and I have made -- crafts, shelves, and recipes.  Prepare yourself.

About a month ago I saw THIS TUTORIAL and thought, "Hmm... I could totally make those for cheap, but I'd do it a little differently."  So Ben and I went out to one of my favorite stores in the world (Goodwill) and spent about $5 for all of these vases, jars, and candle holder.  We decided to use sharpie to draw the faces because then we could erase it with rubbing alcohol and use them for the rest of the year.  We turned on While You Were Sleeping and got to work on our coffee table.  It probably took us a little over an hour to make these.  I give you Frankenstein, a witch, a jack-o-lantern, a ghost, and a skeleton (which I accidentally used acrylic on instead of tempera.  Whoops.  I hope it comes off).

With all the canning we just did, we knew we needed a place to put the jars.  Our pantry was already packed, even though it's ginormous.  Sooo... Ben and I thought it would be awesome if he could build some cheap shelves.  So on his lunch break one day he went to Home Depot, spent $50, and then he spent this past Saturday designing the shelves and assembling them.  They don't look like they should be on the cover of a Pottery Barn catalog but they fit our budget and they will be be invaluable as we finish getting our year supply (hopefully that will be soon).  I'm just praying that we'll be able to fit everything in our laundry room (where these shelves are) and our pantry and other the other big closets in our house.  Otherwise we're going to have to get creative again.  :)

 Where we're going to store our year supply of paper products.  Now that we've lived in our house for a year I realize that it won't take as much as we originally thought.

OK y'all.  Let's get Southern.

When Ben and I were first married he always complained because I was constantly talking about pig pickin's and how amazing the food was (unfortunately he didn't go to his first pig pickin' until last month).  So I searched far and wide for a legitimate NC BBQ recipe.  Everything I tried was wrong.  And then one day, after I had opened up this little flimsy cookbook that came with my crockpot, lo and behold, the recipe was practically glowing at me.  Holy guacamole y'all, this stuff is legit.  So I'm going to share the recipe with y'all.  You're welcome. ;)

Carolina Barbecued Pork

2 onions, quartered

2 T. brown sugar

1 T. paprika

2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp pepper

1 4-6 lb. boneless pork butt or shoulder roast

3/4 C. cider vinegar

4 tsp. Worcestershire sauce

1 1/2 tsp crushed red pepper flakes

1 1/2 tsp sugar

1/2 tsp mustard

1/2 tsp garlic salt

1/4 tsp cayenne pepper

Hamburger buns (optional)

Place the onions in your crockpot.  Combine the brown sugar, paprika, salt and pepper and rub the mixture all over the roast.  In a bowl combine vinegar, Worcestershire sauce, red pepper flakes, sugar, mustard, garlic salt and cayenne pepper (we like to make a double batch of the sauce.  Nothing like drowning your meat in it.... yum).  Mix well.  Drizzle half of the vinegar mixture over the roast.  Cover and refrigerate the remaining sauce.  Put the lid on the crockpot and cook on low for 10 hours or on high for 6.  Remove the meat and onions and drain.  Chop or shred the meat and onion.  Serve it by itself or put it on hamburger buns with cole slaw. 

 Alrighty y'all.  Now it's time for something sweet.  Y'all know I'm such a chocoholic.  Well, these are my absolute favorite cupcakes ever.  But then I'm under the impression that if it has cream cheese in it, it will be off the hook.  Y'all will die when you eat these.  I have a very clear memory of my mom making these for her girls one Sunday when she was in Young Women.  When church ended she handed me the basket that held all the leftovers and told me to go wait in the car for the rest of the family.  I clearly remember having that basket in my lap, knowing that I shouldn't eat any of them, but I totally did.  I think I ate three or four before anyone could see me.  I don't remember feeling guilty either.  :)

Self-Filled Chocolate Cupcakes

(makes 2 dozen)

1 pkg. chocolate cake mix
(1) 8 oz. cream cheese (room temperature)
1/3 C. sugar
1 egg
dash salt
(1) 6 oz. pkg. chocolate chips
1/2 tsp. vanilla
2 dozen paper cupcake liners

Mix cake mix according to directions on package. Fill cups half to 2/3 full with batter. Cream the cheese and sugar together, beat in egg and salt. Stir in chocolate chips and vanilla. Drop a rounded teaspoon of cheese mixture into center of each cupcake. Bake as package directs. Frost with favorite frosting.

While we're talking about how much I love cream cheese, let me introduce to you my family's mashed potatoes.  It is one of my top two recipes that people always ask for.  We eat this every Christmas.  It's that good.

Mashed Potatoes

3 lbs. potatoes

1/2 tsp salt

2 T. butter

8 oz. package cream cheese (the low-fat stuff is just as awesome)

2/3 C. sour cream

1/4 C. milk

salt and pepper to taste

paprika

Peel and cube potatoes, add 1/2 tsp salt to water and bring to a boil.  Cover with lid and let simmer for 20 minutes.  Drain water and place in a large mixing bowl (I use my kitchenaid).  Beat until crumbly.  Then add butter.  Mix in next 4 ingredients until creamy.  Spray 9x13 pan with PAM.  Pour potatoes in pan and brush top with melted butter.  Sprinkle with paprika.  Bake uncovered for 30 minutes at 350 degrees. 

*Can be made 2-3 days ahead of time and baked later.

Happy cookin' y'all!

"App-uh-latch-en"

According to North Carolinians (me included) the word "Appalachian" is actually pronounced "App-uh-latch-en."  I'll give you a virtual high five if you pronounce it that way to someone today.

Since it's nice to get out of town every now and then, we planned a trip to the Blue Ridge Parkway.  For those of y'all who don't live in this neck of the woods, the Blue Ridge Parkway is a road (not highway) that stretches north and south for 469 miles with sites all along it (about every mile or so) in the mountains.  We're really fortunate because most of the Parkway is actually in North Carolina. 

I'll let most of the pictures speak for themselves. 

Where we had our first picnic.

The 100 foot waterfall I talked about in the last post.  If you look at the bottom of the waterfall on the left, you can see a woman.  It gives you an idea of the size.

These two had a blast together.

Altapass.  Apple picking.  Fudge eating.  Music playing.

Although the caverns did freak the kids out a little bit, the stories about them were pretty cool.  Soldiers from the civil war (from both sides) used to hide in there to avoid the battles.

 Where we had our last picnic.

Despite all the beauties we saw on our trip, nothing could beat the beauty of these two. :)

  When we were leaving I told Ben that I felt like I had spent a couple of days in Rivendell.  I know that sounds a little weird but these pictures just don't even do the mountains justice.  They are breathtaking.

On the way home we stopped in a small town called Moravian Falls that is known for its apple orchards.  We bought ourselves 4 bushels (somewhere between 162 and 194 pounds) for $15/bushel (31-35 cents a pound) and we've already canned almost all of them.  We ended up with 48 quart sized jars of applesauce and 28 quart sized jars of cinnamon apples.  We still have about half a bushel left and I'm debating what else to do.  Apple butter, maybe?  Pie filling?  Or should we just eat them?  Who knows.  All I know is that these are pretty much the best apples ever.  We may have to make this excursion every year.  :)

Rocky Trail

Our little family went to the mountains on Friday and Saturday.  Before blogging about that adventure, I just wanted to share one story from the trip first. 

Before going to the mountains, I had researched kid friendly places in the NC mountains for hours and hours so that we wouldn't find ourselves stuck in situations that the kids couldn't handle (i.e. tough trails)  When we got up to the Blue Ridge Parkway we first decided to visit a place called Crabtree Falls.  It is a 2.5 mile hike roundtrip to see a 100 foot waterfall.  It was the longest hike on my list of things to do so we decided to do it first because if we had to carry the kids the entire way then we would have enough energy to do it in the begining of our trip.  Besides, we were pretty sure they'd be eager to stretch their little legs after being in the car for a few hours. 

Online, the trail was listed as "moderate."  At the site itself, it was listed as "strenuous."

Ben and I looked a the begining of the trail and chuckled to ourselves that it was listed as strenuous.  It was a nice, wide, dirt path that barely declined.  We decided to go anyway.  After maybe a quarter of a mile into the hike, the trail turned into this.  Just check out Lily's leg on the right side of the picture to get an idea of the size of the rocks.

Not long after that the trail turned into this: 

A convenient flat and un-rocky path was formed on the very edge of the path. 

As I was hiking this, I couldn't help but see the symbolism in our path. 

Ben carried Skyler the entire way, so I stuck with Lily (aka Miss "I do it myself").  Once I saw how steep and dangerous this trail became every motherly instinct I had started beeping robotic warnings at me and I just wanted to carry Lily myself.  But having her own 3 year-old persepective, Lily wouldn't let me.  She thought she could handle the foot wide stairs that ran down the side of the mountain and climb over these mini boulders than got bigger and bigger the closer we got to the waterfall. 

But eventually she tripped. Landing on the rocks kind of shook her up a little bit.  She held my hand after that. 

But then she got used to walking over the rocks again and she let go of my hand.  "Do you want to hold my hand, Lily?" I encouraged, stretching out my hand (which I did the entire trail, just in case).  "Nope.  I can do it."  So we continued to slowly make our way toward the waterfall. 

But then she tripped again.  She held onto me firmly, which I was more than OK with. 

But then we got to the part that had the thin and easy path on the edge of the trail.  Lily immediately recognized its convenience and opted to take that route.  The robotic warnings started flaring up in me again.  There were three options Lily could have chosen:

1. Walk on easy path and risk falling down hundreds of feet down the side of the mountain.
2. Walk on the difficult rocky road and risk tripping.
3. Walk on the difficult rocky road and hold my hand. 

Being more experienced, I could see all the harm around her, even when she couldn't see it, or chose not to see it.  I did every thing I could think of to encourage her to take my hand and walk on the rocks (because I knew she could handle it) but taking the easy path was too tempting and I agonized pretty much every footstep she took on that path.

And then she tripped again.  She fell slightly off the trail, down toward the mountain, and she realized what danger she was in and the risk she was taking choosing the easy way.  I was able to encourage her to take the rocky path after that and she did hold my hand for a good portion of the rest of the trail.  And when the trail would get slightly easier, she'd let go of my hand, but sometimes she just brush her hand against mine to make sure that it was still there, just in case.

Sometimes I know that I choose the easy trail, too, even though I'm old enough to see that there is a better -- and typically tougher -- trail that I could be taking.  But I know that when I do decide to take the rocky trail, that there will always be a hand to hold me up and guide me to the place I want to go.

When we finally got to the waterfall, I asked Lily, "Was climbing over all those rocks worth it to see this?"  She nodded her head and said, "It's so beautiful!"

IBM Day

One of the little known facts about my dad is that he turned down promotions and higher salaries so that he could have more time at home with our family when I was younger.  As a child I could think of countless things I wanted, but I still wouldn't have traded the time that I got to have with my entire family on a daily basis.  Time has been one of the biggest blessings our whole family has ever been given.

He works for IBM.  As a major bonus each year, they throw a mini carnival and invite the families of all the employees to enjoy a day full of free food and rides.

Step 1:  Wake up Skyler from his nap in the car.  Let Ben indulge in all the snuggles.

Step 2:  Go on the Carousel.  Since Skyler is deathly afraid of rides I wasn't sure how he would react.  But I'm happy to say that he did better this time than he did last time he rode one.  Too bad he didn't scream, "THE COWS!  THE COWS!"  this time.

Step 3: Go down the monster slide.  

Papa even helped Skyler hold his arms out so he could have his "Buzz Lightyear" moment.  To infinity and beyond!

Ben said he was prepping Lily for Busch Gardens.  Ummm.... she doesn't need it.  She's ready.

Eating unlimited cotton candy?  Yes please.

Ferris Wheel. 

As Ben and I were pulling into the parking lot for this event, my favorite song was on the radio and I was busting out my moves (as well as you possibly can in a seat belt).  I turned to see some random dad giving me a weird look.  Ben immediately turned off the radio.  LAME.  But you know what?  It's in my blood.  Just check out who I got the genes from and who I gave them to:

Thanks IBM.  We'll see ya next year again!