The Fair

 We hadn't been to the fair since Lily and Skyler were toddlers, so we felt it was time to go back now that all the kids were tall enough to go on the rides.  We had planned out a lot of the food we were going to try in advance and it was a fun day of riding rides and eating junk for 8 hours straight.  Sometimes you just need one of those days.

Lily was just a hair too tall to go on this ride.

Ella and Skyler have grown really close in the last year.  They often have "Ella and Skyler Days" in which they plan out activities that they do by themselves.  I really rubs Lily and Thad the wrong way but I think it's pretty sweet.

All the kids got onto the carousel by themselves but the horse was too tall for Thad to climb up himself.  He tried, failed, and I was starting to get worried.  But that dad behind him came the rescue.  He was even on a phone call and picked Thad up with one arm, got him steady on his horse, and just nodded at us like it was no big deal.  Thanks, random stranger!

Ella did ballet arms through the whole ride because of course she did.  She's Ella.

This is a really accurate picture of how I spent most of my day.  The fair in NC is always in mid-October and I have never been when it was actually warm.  That day it was in the high 70's and heat is one of the things that triggers one of my heart conditions.  So I sat for most of the day so that I wouldn't faint.  But we made it through 8 hours and so that was a huge success.  I had prayed so hard all week that my heart would let me make it a fun day for the kids.  And I had just enough stamina to walk from one ride to another without fainting.  That prayer was definitely answered.

One of our rules that day was that everyone had to try something outside of their comfort zone.  This was Skyler's.  But he handled it like a champ and overcame a lot of fears that day.  I was so proud of all of the kids, but especially Skyler.

The kids had been begging all day to play some of the games, but we kept telling them that it would be the last thing we did before leaving because guess who didn't want to carry all their prizes all day?  This mom.

This Pregnancy

Ben and I have been on this crazy journey for about 2 years now.  It started with a clear dream about having a baby, having the bishop confirm the dream was inspired in a priesthood blessing, then having several prayers answered that yes, we were supposed to have a 5th despite some health concerns.

I lost one baby in April 2016 at 11 weeks.

I lost two babies in September 2016 at 11 weeks.

I lost one baby in February 2017 at 6 weeks.

And I lost another baby in May 2017 at 5 weeks.

I know I'll never forget any of those experiences, but I really want to record it just so that it's there.  It really did happen.  It wasn't easy.

These past two years have been so full of doctors appointments, blood work, trying different medications, and lots and lots of prayers.

I don't know today why I had to go through all of this, but I know one day I'll truly understand.  It was interesting because I had a few different men give me priesthood blessings at different points in this journey (one even a stranger while we were in England), and every time I was told the same thing: my body was doing exactly what it was supposed to be doing.  This made no sense to me since the Lord had clearly told us we were supposed to have another baby.  We were trying everything on our part to make that happen, but every miscarriage was completely out of our control.  I didn't understand how this could be what "my body was supposed to be doing."

However, many of the blessings Ben has given me have talked about the importance that I learn empathy through these trials.  Maybe one day I'll meet someone who has a similar experience and I hope I can lessen the misery that they will have to endure.

I think I will eventually feel emotionally healed from all that has happened, I just don't feel like I'm there quite yet. 

Ben and I agreed that after the four miscarriages, we were only going to attempt one more pregnancy before going the adoption route.  We had so little hope for a successful pregnancy that we had done tons of research about adoption and were preparing for it.  So when I saw the positive pregnancy test, it was a bittersweet moment of being excited but dreading the possible miscarriage to come. 

It was a Sunday morning when I took that test and as I was sitting in Sacrament meeting that day I had a really special and sacred experience.  The night before I had just finished reading the 4 Gospels in my personal scripture study.  It wasn't a coincidence.  As the Sacrament was being blessed and passed, the spirit came to me and asked me a question:  "Did Jesus ever refuse to heal anyone who asked to be healed during his ministry?"  For the first time ever I realized that He didn't.  Then the spirit asked me a second question:  "Do you have to be near Christ or even touch the hem of His garment to be healed?"  I answered no.  Then the last question the spirit asked me was, "Does the atonement also apply to you, Heather?"  I answered yes.  I felt a really warm and comforting sensation and felt the words "Be thou healed."

Doctors never could figure out what was wrong with me.  I could never figure out what was wrong with me.  But I knew Heavenly Father knew what was wrong with me and that through the atonement I could be healed. 

That experience gave Ben and me the greatest hope for this pregnancy.  Then, as I had with my previous pregnancies, I started visiting my OB for testing every other day.  This pregnancy was different than the others.  It looked not only hopeful, but even more healthy than the average pregnancy.  All my results were incredible. 

In the morning I'll be 16 weeks.  I have been able to feel the baby move for about 3 weeks now and Ben felt the baby for the first time yesterday.  I can't believe how blessed we are.  I can't express how excited we are for May 2018 when we finally get to meet this little person we have fought so hard to include in our family. 

Life Catch Up

I feel like before this year I had a pretty great habit of keeping this blog constantly up to date.  But in January I was called to be Relief Society 1st Counselor, I've been teaching 1-2 homeschooling art classes a week voluntarily all year, and then in September I started teaching after school art classes part time.  Oh yeah, and on top of that, I homeschool my kids.  Oh, and I also have to shuttle my kids around to their extracurriculars.

Suffice it to say that my days are busy from the time I wake up until I go to bed at night.  I often dream about how incredible it would be to have a whole day to myself to just read in bed and take naps.  That would be incredible.  (I've told Ben that when we one day become empty nesters and it will be the first time I have the house to myself, I might just take a year off to do absolutely nothing but my calling.)

For now, I'm going to try to be better at keeping the blog up to date since this is my form of journaling.  Sorry, to everyone who has hoped to catch up with us only to find no updates.  And sorry to my future self for falling behind.

Skyler's Baptism

This has been the year of losing my photos.  I've lost my photos several times in different ways, but the memory card I had all of Skyler's baptism photos on literally snapped in half and is completely ruined.  So I had to gather photos from family members (and what I had posted on facebook).  Thanks, Mum, for sharing these.

Skyler was baptized on August 12th, 2017.  We were so proud of him!

Skyler was baptized with two of his friends.  Ben gave the the talk on baptism.  After Skyler came out of the water and throughout the rest of the day, I'll never forget how he was all smiles.  When he walked back into the chapel right after getting changed out of his wet clothes, he said, "Mom, I just feel so warm inside."  It was such a special day.  We are so grateful to have Skyler in our lives.  He truly is such a great kid and I don't say that as a biased mom.  We are so proud of his choices and are thankful that he looks to Christ as a perfect example.