Easter

Ben and I tried pretty hard this year to ingrain the spiritual meaning of Easter into the kids' heads.  The Easter Bunny even left a note with their baskets of candy letting them know that the real reason for celebrating Easter is Christ's resurrection.  So Ben and I talked to the kids about that when they woke up this morning.  And then when we were in Sacrament Meeting and the speaker was talking about how Easter is based on Christ, Lily looked at me and said, "Easter isn't a Jesus thing.  Easter is a bunny thing."

Fail.  And that is how today has gone.  But Ben reminded me that Lily and Skyler are 4 and 3, and they still have lots of time to learn about the true meaning of Easter.  We will try again next year.  In the meantime, I'm thinking of making up a bunch of Christ centered Easter crafts to display next year so that it will be a little easier for the kids to grasp.  Ben and I both kind of feel that Easter is an even more important holiday than Christmas.

But today has been a pretty good day -- unless of course you count that fact that my kids have been high on sugar and made me seriously consider drugging them enough that they would sleep through tomorrow.... Skyler even got to the point where he said to me during dinner, "If you tell me to go to time out one more time I'm sending you to time out!!!"  Needless to say, I think we all got a good laugh out of that one.

After church and naps, we went to my parents house for dinner.  And there was an egg hunt waiting for them!

(Sorry, Mom and Dad.  I didn't mean to behead you in this picture)

On a different note, isn't Lily's hair awesome?  I often joke about selling her hair as extensions to make money.  But of course it's a joke.

Sort of.....

We had a delicious Easter dinner that was basically non-traditional.  It seems like any time I'm pregnant and there's a holiday, my mom takes pity on me and makes steak.  Ben is never upset about this.  :)

(I spy two of our wedding photos.  Ours are the two on the right.)

Ella was extra adorable in the dress that Aunt Cheryl and Uncle Jim gave Lily on Easter, 4 years ago.  And one of my favorite parts of the night was when Ella said, "Nanni" twice.  The only other word she has said so far is "mama."  It was cool that my mom got to hear it in person so that she knew I wasn't making it up. ;)  Then she started saying, "Dada!  Dada!" for the first time, but Ben missed it.  I think he's slightly crushed.

Overall, I'm thankful that even in this crazy world, we all still set aside time to celebrate Easter.  I'm thankful for the gospel and that we have a knowledge of the truth -- most especially that, through our Savior, all things are possible and that there is hope for each of us.  That in this time when we celebrate birth and new life, we can make goals of progress as we strive to become what our Heavenly Father knows we can be.   

Easter Eggs, Mercedes, and Leg Hair

 The park that is across the street from our house seems to be unknown to the rest of the world which means it's almost always empty.  I love and hate its emptiness.  I love it because my kids always have room to run and can do whatever they want.  As long as we don't go on a Saturday, they'll more than likely have the playground to themselves.  I hate it because being in a huge park by yourself is extremely creepy.

Moving on.

We found out that on Saturday the city of Raleigh was going to put on an egg hunt at a bunch of city parks and ours would be participating.  It was free and I knew the kids would love it.  Plus, why not put a few of our tax dollars to use?  So we went despite the chilly weather.  We were one of the last to arrive and that turned out to be in our favor.  We were at the end of the line and right next to a huge section of eggs that none of the kids were pointed toward.  We strategized with the kids (because we're those kinds of parents) and they over-filled their buckets.  I had a proud mom moment when Lily saw a little toddler who only had one egg and she went up to him and handed him some of the things in her bucket.  I love that girl.

The city of Raleigh had decided to make these "healthy" Easter eggs.  So they were filled with things like kid tattoos, pencils, crayons, pretzels, bouncy balls, whistles (oh joy), and bubbles.  Lily even found that one of her eggs contained a prize and she won 3 big bubble wands.  The kiddos were ecstatic.  I, on the other hand, would have preferred chocolate.  But I do have it on good authority that the Easter Bunny is bringing some chocolate soon...

When transporting your little dolls in a model Mercedes Benz, make sure you don't waste any space.  Obviously you can load your snacks into the trunk and fit an extra passenger under the hood.

Ben's Quote of the Week (WARNING: It's about leg hair)

(As Ben's rubbing my legs)

Me: "I know I'm not smooth.  Am I at the sandpaper or the prickly stage?"

Ben: "Sandpaper.  But it's not bad.  I mean, you're probably only 170 grit."

Only my husband would tell me what kind of sandpaper my legs feel like.

My Heart

Every single time one of my kids are teething, I run for the orajel or the teething rings, and it's not until my mom buys me these teething biscuits that I remember how awesome those little cookies are.  And I know what you're thinking.  "Why didn't Heather put a bib on that poor baby?"  Because the girl's got some crazy all-over-the-place-hands and a bib would have been pointless.  A little extra laundry is a small price when the end result is a happily teething baby.  Seriously try to find those little teething biscuits for your babies at the grocery store.  They even smell like vanilla.  Double plus.

I can imagine that if a typical person were to be told that they have 3 heart conditions (even if one is basically irrelevant, another won't play a factor in the near future, and the third is the only real concern), that they would be upset.  On the other hand, there's me, and I am more relieved that I can even express.

This is going to sound dramatic, but it's me being 100% honest.  My whole life I have had questions as to why I'm not as strong as so-and-so or why my stamina is a joke.  I mean, is it normal for y'all to arrive somewhere like a friend's house or the park and the first thing you do is to make sure there's a place to sit down, just in case?

Finally I'm starting to get answers.  But for forever, I just pushed myself harder than I should have, which I have since learned isn't wise.  I think it comes from all those people who say, "If you just try hard enough, you can accomplish anything!"  "Anything" for me meaning something along the lines of making it up the stairs without having to catch my breath or running for over a couple of minutes straight.  If I put my mind to it, anything's possible right?  *annoying game show buzzer noise*  WRONG.

I can remember a health class in my second semester of college where in order to get an A, we had to lose a percentage of our body fat.  (Back then, I was a stick.)  In the process we had to do extra strenuous work outs (at least for me) and I barely managed to lose the fat (along with 15 pounds).  But if I was smart, I would have settled for a worse grade.  I can remember very vividly passing out off my stationary bike in a cycling class and when I woke up I was sprawled across that hallway in the middle of the gym (you BYU-Idaho-ers know what I'm talking about, right?) as some of the top school administrators were walking over me.  Classy.  My teacher was bending down next to me (she wasn't the nicest of ladies) and lectured me on how dumb it was to not eat a good enough breakfast.  I had eaten breakfast.  She handed me an apple and I ate it so that she wouldn't ask me any questions.  Because I didn't have any answers.  Why the heck did I pass out when everybody else is going full speed?

My whole life has been full of moments like this.  Passing out at Walmart.  Passing out at school in the hallway in the middle of class changes.  Passing out from pain.  Blacking out and losing my hearing on a very regular basis because I've been standing up for too long.  Struggling to give blood.  Needing to be carried back to camp during a 5 mile hike.  Constantly being fatigued and ready to take a nap, even when I've slept well every night.

After doing lots of research about my biggest condition, all of these things point straight to my heart.  All of these things are listed as common symptoms.  And it's a relief.  Because before I used to sit there and compare myself to others ALL. THE. TIME.  Nobody else thinks that going shopping for an hour is too strenuous.  What's wrong with me?  Is this just in my head?

All of these medical bills are worth it for me to finally have an answer.  I can accept that I have health issues and that's okay.  I just have to know my limits and abide by them.  Luckily the things I enjoy most are within my limits and so I don't feel held back.  I just have to remind myself that running a marathon doesn't necessarily make me a better person.  Or even running a 5K.  I can still be accomplished without accomplishing what everyone else is.  And I must say that writing a book in bed with an electric blanket on and a cup of hot chocolate in hand is within my limits and is quite a bit of fun.

Why We Love Ben's Job

When Ben accepted his job with Cisco right after we had Ella, we were excited about all the benefits that would be coming with it.  And not just medical benefits, but the ability to work whenever he wanted and to only have to go into the office twice a week.  

We have a desk in our room that has two pretty nice over-sized computer monitors sitting on it.  The bigger screens make Ben's job a bunch easier since he basically lives in programs like excel that have tiny cells.  He can comfortably work from there if he chooses to, but he only ever goes in there when he's in a meeting on the phone.  Most of his work day he spends on the couch where he can help me with the kids.  The picture above happened in the middle of work (you can see his open black laptop camouflaged into the other couch).  Have I mentioned that we love his job?

This is a temporary position so I know that life's most likely not going to be this incredible forever.  So I really want to record it so that I can always be thankful we had this opportunity, for whatever time it lasts.

A lot of little perks add up because of this job:

• We can go on regular one-on-one dates with the kids on weekday afternoons when places aren't busy.  This month it was my turn so I took both kids out (separately) to the dollar theater.  They were just as enthralled about the dimmed lights in the theater as they were about the actual movie.  Sometimes it's good for me to remember the simpleness of children.
• Between counseling and ob/gyn appointments, I feel like I'm living in doctors' offices.  And that doesn't include all the crazy doctor visits I've had lately.  On top of that I have presidency meetings for Primary and other random errands that make kids tagging along difficult.  I can always schedule these things for when Ben's working from home and not worry about having someone babysit the kids.
• With every pregnancy comes extreme dizziness, weakness, and exhaustion.  Once I get to a certain point in my pregnancy I know that my endurance can only last so long (sometimes it's an hour, sometimes it's 5 minutes).  I'm already to the point where I don't feel comfortable shopping alone since that is the most difficult challenge for me.  Ben can always come along to help me.
• Ben still wakes up with the kids every day since he knows I'm not a morning person and my pregnancy requires a little extra sleep.  Even if it's only an extra half hour after the kids wake up, it makes a difference.  Honestly, I think this is my favorite thing Ben does for me.  And by the time I come downstairs around 7:15 he's already managed to get some work done.

Needless to say, Ben's job is ideal for our entire family.  I can't even describe how much the kids love having him around all day.  To be honest, Ben and I both recently admitted to each other that when he took the job we thought we would get sick of each other during the day.  It's just not something we've ever done before.  But we have both ended up loving it and I am dreading the day when Ben has a normal job again.  

Now to be fair, there are some cons to Ben being at home all the time.  One example is that I'm way worse at cleaning now.  I've got Ben to talk to during the day and so that distracts me.  Hence why my house looks like the picture below.  But at least I had someone around to capture this shot of me taking the kids on 45 minutes worth of imaginary field trips.  I was the bus.  The baby in my tummy was not thrilled about it.

Naps

On Saturday it was 75 degrees.  So Ben spent the day in the yard planting more flowers, then we went to the park.  After watching the kids run around the entire time we were there, I understood why they feel the need to run around the entire house every night after dinner.

And once the playground came into sight, Ben, Ella, and I were abandoned as Lily and Skyler took off.

These two have basically spent their entire lives playing together.  Separating them is no easy trick.

At the end of last year we started noticing a problem.  When they would both go down for their afternoon naps, Lily would only sleep for about an hour, then get bored, and wake Skyler up.  To anyone who knows Skyler, you know the apocalypse that follows when he's not well-rested and well-fed.  It's scary.  I'm pretty sure he empties his tear ducts every day.

So at the beginning of the year, we decided to go ahead and let Lily have quiet time in the bonus room while Skyler napped.  I mean, the kid would have the entire room of toys to herself plus a castle!  She could even play with Skyler's beloved legos and other toys without him knowing!  I mean, it was an awesome option!

But I was completely taken by surprise when I found that all she would do was pull a blanket onto the couch in there and take a short nap.  Then when she would wake up, she would ask if she could come downstairs.  Umm, no.  

After she did that day after day I finally realized that Lily and Skyler don't know how to play alone.  As much as I love the fact that they always have a playmate nearby, I feel that learning to be alone is an important skill to have, especially considering how much of your life you spend alone.  

So I tried to show Lily all the things she could do.  I even got desperate enough that I let her bring her notebook and pen into the bonus room during nap time so that she could write and draw.  But even that wasn't enough.  Some days I would find that Lily had snuck back into her room to take a nap with Skyler.  And then, of course, she'd wake him up to play when she woke up.  Other times I'd find that she'd sneak into their bedroom, get Skyler, and hide him in the castle when she was supposed to be having quiet time.  I mean, going up to check on them, I would have never known that the switch was made because they were that thorough with making sure the right doors were closed and whenever they could hear me coming Lily would act casual on the couch and Skyler would be hidden in the secret nook under the stairs of the castle.

Thank goodness for mom ears.  That's the only reason why I've known what's happening and have been able to catch them.  I guess it's a good and a bad thing that my kids are unusually loud.

I wish I could say that things have gotten better, but it's almost been three full months and nothing has changed.  I feel bad because I have even succumbed to the point where I sometimes lock Skyler into his room when it's nap time so that Lily can't sneak him out.

With what extremes they go to, you would think I never let them play together.  Goodness gracious.  But at least they love each other???

Living in the Past in the Future

Sorry for the overload of Ella pictures lately.  (No I'm not)  It's just that I feel like babies grow up so quickly within their first year and they're entitled to a million pictures of each of their cute stages -- this one of being able to sit up and play with toys but not able to crawl off anywhere being my favorite.

A lot of people have a problem with living in the past.  I have never really had this problem.  As far as I'm concerned, trials keep coming, but life in general keeps getting better and I would never want to go back to any stage I've already experienced, despite how awesome some of them have been.

My problem is different.  Since I was a kid, I have had a problem with living in the future.  

But when it comes to motherhood, I oftentimes live in the past in the future.  Let me explain.

Yesterday, Skyler drew a really cute picture and told me he was going to hang it up.  Usually that means that he'll find a magnet and put it on the fridge.  But out of the blue, there it was sticking to the wall.  How did he do that?  I didn't give him tape.  He doesn't even know how to use tape.  Curious, I asked him how he did it.  "Don't worry about it Mom."  Strangely enough, I didn't.  But later when he wasn't looking I took the picture off the wall and smelled the stuff that was making it stick.  Maple syrup.

Instead of being frustrated, I immediately thought, "I'm going to miss this."

I was living in the past in the future, see?

I do this a lot.  I think it's kind of a coping mechanism for me when I'm frustrated with my kids.  All I have to do is tell myself that in 10 or 20 years, I'll wish their troubles were as small as trying to reach something up high or trying not to put their pants on inside out and backwards.

I know that one day I'm going to miss the toys constantly scattered across my house when it is actually clean and full of whatever houses are full of when you don't have little kids.  I am going to miss it when my kids insist on helping me bring in groceries even though I'm scared they're going to drop the eggs.  One day I'll be begging them to help me.  I'm going to miss my kids telling me that I'm "so pretty" every day when I'm wearing sweat pants and a hoodie with smeared mascara under my eyes.  I'll miss the way that even though we're squished, all three kids insist on sitting on the couch with me and Ben.

But every stage has pros and cons and I suppose there will be some huge perks to look forward to in the future. (Although the ever looming threat of waking up for early morning seminary x 4 kids doesn't seem to be trumped by any perk)  But I know that there has got to be something to look forward to in the future.  It just won't be found in the form of pictures stuck to the wall with syrup.

FYI the non-girly crib sheets are what happen when your baby gets all of her regular sheets messy and Skyler's old ones are the only clean ones left.

Cardiology Appointment #1

I went to my cardiologist for the first time today since I was instructed to visit him when I went to the ER.  Sure enough, when I arrived in the (very large) waiting room, I noticed that, of course, I was the only person in there under the age of 65ish.  Excellent.  Nothing gives you a boost of confidence quite like that.

I had another EKG done and sure enough I have a heart block, but barely.  I have a first degree heart block and it's only very serious once it's a third degree.  So I learned that for a normal person it takes your heart 200 milliseconds (.2 seconds) to pump blood from your upper heart chambers to your lower ones.  For me, it takes 235 milliseconds.  In other words, I'm going to survive.  And a pacemaker doesn't look like it's in my near future.

But upon further questioning the cardiologist thought it was interesting that I only have problems when I'm standing.  For the first time ever, a doctor was brilliant enough to take my blood pressure and pulse with me lying down, sitting up, and standing up.  Boom.  There's my REAL problem.

Apparently I have something called neurocardiogenic syncope aka vagal episodes.  This isn't anything major at all.  From what I understand it means that my body has a hard time regulating my blood pressure?  So while all y'all have to watch your salt intake, I have to eat extra salt.  Booyah.

But since I have both neurocardiogenic syncope and a heart block, my cardiologist wants to keep an eye on me.  So, I officially have to become best friends with the heart monitor that I am now sporting because it's going to be my buddy for the next month.  Month.  And poor, poor Ben.  Whoever wore this heart monitor last probably soaked the neck strap in axe cologne because I smell like a man.  Gross.  So ladies, do not be swept off your feet when you smell my manliness.  Because it's me -- not whatever guy who's standing next to me.

I've worn a heart monitor before for 72 hours when I was pregnant with Skyler and it told me absolutely nothing.  I'm praying that this month long one will do the trick and we will know how best to help my problem long term.  I'm pretty exhausted from playing Diagnosis Pinball and it will be nice to get the sure answer at my appointment in 6 weeks.

The Tale of Skyler's Shorts

My favorite part of feeding babies.  Finger kissing.

My biggest hobby is writing fiction.  I write lots and lots but what I have come to find is that no story is as awesome as a true one.  And when a true story is unbelievable, it's even better.

I'm pretty sure that every parent, at one point or another, says, "You just can't make this stuff up."

I had one of those moments today.  It wasn't necessarily amazing.  In fact, it was more on the less awesome side of the spectrum, but it made me go, "Whaaaat?" just the same.

Lily and I read a lot together each day.  We take turns reading and when it's her turn I have to focus extra hard to make sure she's sounding out the words right while also trying to remember which words she already knows so that I can help her out as needed.  Let's just say that it takes concentration.  Which means that this morning, I wasn't focused on Skyler while he was "coloring."

It turns out that Skyler had his safety scissors.  Why they're called safety scissors is beyond me.  Just because they have rounded edges doesn't mean a thing to me.  I could tell you about the time I chopped off a foot of my hair with safety scissors in my bed when I was 4, but that's beside the point.  

But it wasn't until the middle of the day that I noticed what he had done.  He was wearing reversible basketball shorts.  On the non-mesh side he had cut a bunch of holes through the fabric.  Luckily he hadn't gone through the other side of fabric and wasn't cut.  I was honestly in too much shock to discipline him.  And when the shock wore off, I just laughed.  Probably not the best reaction to have when you don't want your child to do it again.

I kept him in his shorts because they were still functional.  I didn't think much about it.  Then I took a shower this afternoon and as I was getting dressed afterward Skyler called me from outside my door.  

"Mommy!  I have something in my pants and I need you to get it out."

Of course poop is the first thing that crosses my mind and I started to get a little miffed.  Every now and then he still has an accident.  But when I got to him, there was no poop to be found.  He points to the bottom of his shorts.  I feel something hard in between the layers of fabric.  Lo and behold, Skyler had retrieved a door stopper while I was in the shower and stuffed it through one of his cut holes in his shorts until it got stuck inside.  The little screw kept scraping against his leg.

?????????

You just can't make this stuff up.  Need proof?  How he managed to get that whole door stopper in through one of those tiny holes is a mystery to us.  It took some real work to get it out.

Kiddo Terminology

Pigtails.  At 7 months.  Should someone be calling Guinness World Records or something?

Bedhead.  It must be in our genes or something.  My favorite quote from that post: "Hey, maybe I'll just have a baby every year until I'm 24 or 25 and take advantage of my good metabolism!!!! jjjuuuusssttt kidding."

(Joke's pretty much on you, 20 year-old Heather. You nailed it.  I will have my last baby right after I turn 25.)

I will entitle this picture, "REALITY."

(After my recent post about life being like triage, Ben thought it would be a good idea to capture a non-happy picture of the kids.  That way we can remember.  Everything.)

Funny Things My Kids Say

Lily

"motorbikle" = motorcycle

"yucky milk" = formula

"scrippers" = scriptures (when she first started saying this we thought she was saying "strippers."  We really try to emphasize her "c")

"Silly Goopy" = silly goose

Skyler

"sprunkles" = sprinkles

"Lymany-nuh-muh-QUEEN!" = Lightning McQueen

"Soaped" = soaked
"Chicka-lay" = Chik-fil-A

Quote of the Week:

As Lily's trying to steal my snack.

Me: "Lily, I have to eat this snack by myself because the baby in my tummy needs to eat."

Lily:  "You have a baby in your tummy?  AGAIN?!"

Guess we hadn't talked about it in a few weeks....

My Diagnosis

Everything started on March 1st.  I woke up with a bright spot in my eye (very similar to that spot you get after a picture is taken) and it didn't go away.  I discussed it with my ob/gyn that morning and he said not to worry about it, that it would go away within a couple of hours.

So I waited.  And it didn't go away.

After 36 hours into my vision problem, I started researching online.  Of course WebMD and other similar websites like to tell you you're pretty much dying, so I took everything with a grain of salt.  The only diagnosis I could find that fit my problem was a detached retina.  Everything online said that this was a medical emergency and that if you don't get it treated right away, you could go blind in that eye. The nurse I talked to on the phone said the same thing. I am one who does not like to go to the doctor for my own problems.  I don't like spending money on myself, even when it deals with my own health.  I also don't like accepting help.  (I'm working on this with my therapist right now actually).  So deciding to go to the hospital was a real stretch for me.  But I wasn't going to mess around with possible blindness.  There was a point right before I left for the hospital that I almost convinced myself to stay home, but the spirit told me to go.  So I did.

My parents came to watch the kids and Ben took me to the ER.  When I described what was happening they had me skip the eternally long waiting line and go straight to triage and then straight back to the actual ER.  A doctor did a few tests on me, including 3 eye tests and one EKG. The eye tests said that my eye was completely normal and that it wasn't the cause of my problem.  He wanted me to have another test done by an opthamologist (just to be sure) and an MRI done by a neurologist, but neither of them were at the hospital since it was a Sunday night.  By the time I was getting ready to check out, the doctor came in to tell us the news: that I probably have MS.

We went home pretty depressed.  I knew MS is no fun deal.  I also know that it's a lifelong battle.  So we tried to keep positive but neither of us slept well.  We were both pretty freaked out.

When I woke up this morning I followed the instruction my ER doctor had given me: to see an opthamologist who would then refer me to a neurologist.  The opthamologist checked out my eyes and gave me the good news.  This is all an eye problem after all!  It is most definitely NOT MS.  So I don't even have to see a neurologist after all.  The diagnosis was actually very similar to what we originally thought I was suffering from.  I have a swollen retina, caused by stress.

The doctor told me that it should go away on its own, but if it doesn't, in a month or two I can have laser surgery to fix my retina.  I'll take that over an MS diagnosis any day!

Despite the completely off diagnosis I got at the hospital, Ben and I are still grateful we went.  Because even though I don't have MS, we did learn something from my EKG.  I have always known that I have a heart murmur, but now I know that I have a heart block.  For those of you who are just as completely unaware as I was about what a heart block is, let me tell you.  A heart block means that there's a problem with the electrical pulses in your heart.  In my case, I have a delayed beat every minute or so.  My problem is not severe, but if it worsens, I will need to get a pacemaker.  I also have to start seeing a cardiologist.  My heart block is the reason why I am constantly dizzy, lightheaded, and occasionally pass out, especially when I'm pregnant.  No ob/gyn has ever been able to tell me why.  They always told me to just drink more.  Now I finally finally FINALLY know what is wrong with me.

So the Lord works in mysterious ways.  I woke up with a weird spot in my eye to let me know I have a heart problem.  Makes total sense, right?  Either way, I'm grateful I finally have answers to questions about my own health that I've had for a long time.  And I'm thankful that we now know how to continue forward and treat my problem.  And I'm thankful I don't have MS!  What an awesome day.  Now to pay all those medical bills....