A Haven

As you can see, Lily gave herself a makeover with a Tinkerbell makeup kit she got for Christmas.  To quote her: "I look soooooo pretty, Mom!"  She's lucky that would I think she'd be gorgeous if she were covered in mud because I had a different opinion about her makeover.  (Also, do these pictures not scream "female mini Ben?")


Lately I've been losing my patience more often than usual with my kids.  I have so much that I expect of myself that I can't keep up with everything.  And when I don't cross off everything on my to do list, I feel a sense of of failure.  I didn't do enough to keep my house clean, I didn't do enough for Primary, I didn't spend enough time with the kids.  I feel like a wave crashes over me and as I'm taking a breather everything just crumbles apart all over again and all of my efforts are in vain.  And as any parent knows, kids do a lot of destroying.  So even though I always imagined myself as this mellow fun mom, I can most definitely be the opposite sometimes.

I hate that I get frustrated with my kids.  And just when my temper is about to boil over, the spirit often says the same thing to me: "Make your home a haven.  You want them to come to you when they're struggling.  You do not want them to try to find comfort elsewhere."  I can't even count how many times the spirit has told me this exact thing on days when I'm struggling with my kids.  All the whining, pinching, not sharing, feet touching under the table, and stickiness-while-refusing-to-wash-hands-because-you're-too-lazy-even-though-you're-really-OCD moments really add up.

So I try to take a deep breath and remember that I hate it every time they have to blow out an extra candle on their birthday cakes.  I hate it that every time I go in to kiss them at night that they're just a little bit bigger and a little skinnier.  I hate that they say most words correctly and only have a few adorable mispronunciations.

But then I also have to remind myself that I love them growing up, too.  I love that they can help out around the house.  I love that they can keep Ella entertained long enough for me to get dinner made.  I love that I can tell them it's nap time or bedtime and they'll put themselves in bed and go to sleep.  I love that if Ben and I forget to read scriptures before family prayers that they will remind us.  I love that they will pull out the ingredients for lunch when it's time for me to make it.  There are some serious perks to having growing kids.

Besides giving my kids the gospel and a loving family, I think the best thing I can give them at this point is a childhood.  A real childhood where they can play with each other and have the freedom to run around. Where they can pick flowery weeds outside to put in a water-filled cup on the table.  Where they can paint scribbles and proudly hand their masterpiece to me to and tell me all about it.  I'd say that at least 1/3 of our house is devoted solely to them between their rooms, the toy room downstairs, and the bonus room upstairs.

Being a parent is a privilege even though it takes everything I have.  Everyday I thank Heavenly Father that He has given me my three favorite cuties on the planet.  I could never go back to what my life was without my kids, and so I'm thankful that they have turned my life into a very beautiful mess.