Then it hit me: I didn't want to be me. I wanted to be a puzzle made up of little bits and pieces of all sorts of people that I admire. I wanted to choose all the little factors that I think equal one awesome human being.
Sometimes I let myself believe lies. Here are some of them:
- She's so gorgeous I bet she doesn't even have to shave her legs. Or make an effort to lose baby weight. Or touch anything to make her house clean.
- Their blog so awesome! I wish I had a life like that! I mean, their life is apparently perfect after all!
- They have everything. I bet they have no debt while Ben and I still have a mortgage and his student loans to pay off.
- They know how to do sooooo many things. I must not be very talented.
- She is so perfect with her kids. I bet they have no tantrums or troubles at their house.
Now I can't say that I'm ever going to stop collecting puzzle pieces but I can say that I am going to be a lot more careful about how I perceive people, especially when I want one of their puzzle pieces. I'm wrong all the time. And, most likely, you've been wrong about me (probably for better AND worse).
So I'm just going to be me. I'm not even close to being the person I want to be. I'm getting there bit by bit - and it's going to be a lifelong process - but eventually I'll get there. For now this is what I am:
- Wife
- Mom
- Daughter
- Sister
- Cleaner/boo boo fixer/cook/Dr. Seuss reader/baby pool filler and lifeguard/teacher/ball finder (this one is a very big deal for Skyler who always needs at least 3 balls at a time in his arms)
- CTR 4 Teacher
- Writer (in case you missed my biggest secret ever go HERE ).
- Blessing Counter
So instead I'm going to keep checking out library books with my kids. We'll eat popsicles and make cookies without counting calories. I'll still high five Ben when we finally get the kids in bed and then he'll have to drag me out of their rooms when we check on them once they're asleep. I'll probably still hide myself in the bathroom and turn on the fan when I need a break. I'll still try at least 2 new recipes a week because there is a whole world of food for me to explore. And I'll keep writing my book, because it's pretty much the coolest thing ever (and I had a dream this week that I read its description on its book jacket. Too cool.)
If you're reading this, consider a piece of yourself stolen. Odds are you're already a part of my puzzle.
12 comments:
Yes, puzzle pieces are deceptive...the ones we notice are always the "best" ones instead of the many, many ordinary normal human ones. But be of good cheer. You are just like the rest of us :)
Have you ever noticed how many people have asked you to never stop your blog? LOTS of people. Why do they ask that? Not because you're an awesome writer (which you are btw), but it's because they TOTALLY relate to you. The posts where you tell your shortcomings are the ones we all laugh at because we've been there and done that. Don't try be like those "cool" people who seem to have it all together. They most likely have a mask on the outside to hide their flaws. At least you admit yours. That's more than me. You're awesome, and I don't want my sister to turn into some mutant woman who doesn't have to shave (whispers: although would Ben notice if you didn't?), or something else like that, because I'd miss the OLD you. Don't change Febbie. I love you the way you are. All that's asked of us is to try our best, and I think you do that. So, in our eyes, you ARE perfect. <3
I feel so blessed to have such amazing, wonderful and insightful friends. And you're one of them. :)
I think we all have days like that. I had one this week. I was trying to do good things and everything just went wrong. And I just wanted to throw in the towel and say, "Why bother?" But thankfully, I picked myself back up and started again the next day, and things looked better after all. :)
And you ARE and awesome CTR 4 teacher. We have someone in this house who thinks your great. :)
I TOTALLY lock myself in the bathroom and turn the fan on (after I have already locked our bedroom door) to get a few moments to collect my thoughts and search for some sanity.
Heather, this is one of my very favorite entries. Well thought out, well written, and well expressed. Thank you.
I hear ya. I still wonder when I'm going to turn into a "real" mom. Whatever that is. I think you're awesome. Now if only I could get you to move to WA so your awesomeness would rub off on me... :) I really enjoyed this post. Nicely done.
Very deep! I shared some of your blog with Grandpa and Grandma last night and they commented on how much they like you!
I have just been going through the same thing! I read this awesome book by Virginia Pearce (Pres. Hinckley's daughter) called "Through His Eyes" and she talks about the lies that we believe and how to overcome them and I realized that I believe so many lies about who I am and how Heavenly Father feels about me. I loved this blog post!
You just describe a perfectly normal person. Take it from someone that only reads three blogs. Yours is great! If you didn't do the things you described, I honestly would be scared of you. You might be an alien or robot or something unpleasant if you didn't need a break from time to time or didn't like to indulge in the sweeter side of life :). Keep up the great work.
if it makes you feel better, there are people I skip over their blog entries, I never skip yours, I love them!
If you were to change very much at all I would sorely miss you. You're one of the lights of my life!
You probably have no idea that your blog is one of my favorites. I want to read your book when you finish it. You always have Dave and I rolling with laughter because of your stories. Probably because most of it happens to us too, but you find a way to laugh about it when I'm stressed out and needing a nap. And by the way, you're collecting some pretty cool puzzle pieces. Keep writing. I love it.
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