Teaching Each Other

Spending time with Nanni.

 

 

 

To Lily, starting Kindergarten was a dream.  Everyday for over two years she would talk about school and how exciting it would be to go.  Having her excited made me less worried about her actually going.  So when August 26th rolled around, I handled everything better than I expected.  I didn't cry.  Lily didn't cry.  She came home the first few days pumped because everything was "so cool."  The cafeteria, the playground, her teacher, the centers in her classroom, her specials -- everything.  It was almost too good.  And it was.

 

It didn't take long before the real kindergarten began the frustration hit.  Someone pinched her.  Someone didn't want to sit with her at lunch.  Anything that used brain power was "too hard."  Lily stopped being Lily.  Smiles vanished.  Temper tantrums started appearing.  There were things thrown across rooms and many doors slammed.  There have been several times when I have broken into tears.  Not because of the hundreds of times that Lily told me that she hated me, but because I didn't know the root of the problem which meant I didn't know how to make her happy again.

 

Ben and I were in agony.  With every frustration babies and toddlers put us through, nothing could compare to the pain I experienced with this.  I would take the paint Skyler smeared all over the carpet any day over this. 

 

I was desperate for my parent/teacher conference that was coming up.  I wanted to know what was going on behind the scenes.  We hit the jackpot with our very first teacher.  Mrs. Lockhart is the ultimate kindergarten teacher.  I wish all four of my kids could have her.  We sat down together and looked at Lily's work.  I was completely shocked by what I saw.

 

Lily started out the year on track but as the year has progressed she has gone far and beyond what is expected of her at this level.  In every area she is ahead.  My favorite part was looking at her writing skills.  She would draw a picture and then write a sentence about it using all of her own spelling.  The child almost spelled "refrigerator" correctly!  WHAT?  Mrs. Lockhart kept going on and on about how well Lily was doing. 

 

So why the tears?  I brought it up and Mrs. Lockhart mentioned that Lily would cry all day long in the beginning of the year, but now she is much more in control of her emotions.  Both of us noticed one thing: Lily cries when she's challenged or when she has to try something new.

 

When I figured this out, I literally felt pain in my chest.  This is a personal pain because Lily is becoming me.  I was the exact same way when I was young (and still am to a degree).  For example, this is why I'm not musical.  It didn't come easilly to me so I pushed it away and I still really hate music.  I told Ben I'm not sure if I'm ever willing to have a piano (or any musical instruments for that matter) in our house because that's how much I made myself hate music.  I have had an inner battle with myself to get over this because if one of my kids inherited Ben's genes and wants to take music lessons, I'm going to have to say yes and get over myself. 

 

Having Lily become me would be so hard for me to watch.  So I have had to try to figure out how best to help Lily.  Ben and I have really pushed encouragement when she accomplishes something and we take baby steps to get there so that she's not overwhelmed.  We also try to tell her just how smart she really is, but she waves it away and talks about how frustrating her homework is.  I had one thought.  If she sees us doing something hard, maybe she'll be more inclined to try hard too. 

 

I just wish she could see her potential.  I've seen her progress.  I've seen where she ranks.  I know just how well Lily is doing, even being one of the youngest in her grade.  But when I see Lily as a reflection of me, it makes me wonder if I see my potential and if I'm actually willing to work hard to get there.

 

I wonder if I teach Lily nearly as much as she teaches me.