Gabriella Dawn Macbeth

She's here!  We're so excited to introduce Gabriella Dawn Macbeth.  But we're planning on calling her "Ella" for short.  She was born at 2:45 yesterday afternoon after 7 1/2 hours of labor (so much for "each delivery gets faster."  Skyler's was 5 1/2).  She weighed in at 7 lb. 10 oz. making her our smallest baby yet!  And with her coming up on being a whole day old, she's probably cried less than 5 minutes in her entire life.  She is the most easygoing, sweet sweet baby.

Yesterday started at 4:45 AM when our alarm clock went off.  We quickly got ready and left the house so we could get to the hospital an hour later.  By the time I was admitted into the hospital I was already having contractions every 10 minutes, so the early scheduled induction was well-planned.  I was on pitocin by 7:15 and started having bigger contractions that came every 2-4 minutes.  I went from being 1-2 cm dilated to a 4 in a couple of hours because of it.  My nurse was looking at my chart and kept asking me if I was ready to get my epidural yet because they were getting big.  I had to laugh because they felt the exact same as all the other false contractions I've had in this pregnancy.  Let's just say most of my third trimester was one REALLY long false labor.  No fun. 

My doctor came in at 10 to break my water and bad contractions started immediately.  My nurse ordered my epidural, but I had to wait 45 minutes to get it, so she turned down my pitocin all the way so that I wouldn't have to deal with as much pain.  Sure enough, my pain level decreased a ton, and once I was drugged, I was one happy girl again.  Problem was that I stayed at a 4 during those 45 minutes and so my nurse was under the impression that I'd be slow at progressing during my labor. 

So a few hours went by and my nurse didn't check to see if I had dilated any more.  I tried resting and Ben left to make some phone calls and get food.  So of course, that's when I started feeling something happening.  I called my nurse back and asked her to check me.  She said I was at an 8 and only 90% effaced, so it could still be a while.  Then I had deja vu to when we had Skyler, and I promptly explained to her that I went from being an 8 to a 10 in less than a minute with him, and the doctor barely made it in time to catch him.  As sweet as this nurse was, I don't think she quite believed me, so she told me to let her know if I felt the urge to push and she left.  Less than 2 minutes later she was back in my room, scrambling around after she discovered that I was at a 10 and ready to go.  She ran out to go get the supplies and while she was gone Ben miraculously came back. 

Now here's where I tell you about my agony.  This is not to gain pity, this is just how my delivery went, and like everything else I just want it recorded accurately.  I was ready to push Ella out as soon as my nurse checked me.  But I had to wait for everything to be ready.  A table with equipment had to be set up.  My bed had to be repositioned.  My doctor had to be called, get here, and dressed up in full gear.  I ended up holding Ella in for 30 minutes.  Yep.  30 long, hard, tear-filled minutes (you should have seen me after the delivery.  Smeared mascara and eyeliner.... whew I looked hot).  But once everything was ready I got her out in about 5 minutes of pushing, thanks to my 3rd episiotomy and a small tear.  

And she was perfect!  Everything was great!

Until.... I was wheeled to my recovery room and they informed me that in order for me to cramp up correctly, I had to be put on an 8 hour bag of pitocin.  And oh man, was that evil.  So instead of having my parents and babies come to visit today, they came last night so that Ben and my dad could give me a blessing.  And thank goodness for blessings (and percocet... *ahem*) becuase I really needed them.  Luckilly I was done with all that post-labor-labor by 1 AM and after a nursing session with Ella (which she totally rocks at FYI), I was able to go to sleep at 2.  On my back!  Without the feeling of having a bowling ball on top of me!  Yay!

So here are some pics of the day:

Ben and I have completely fallen in love with her.  She is such a sweet little spirit and we're so grateful that she came to our family.  And in case you can't tell from this picture below, she has ash blonde hair, and lots of it, just like Lily and Skyler.  She definitely fits in with our family!

Possible Finality

I have mixed emotions as I come to the end of this pregnancy.  In public, you’ll hear that my opinion of pregnancy is that it’s pretty much no fun.  But, at the beginning of this pregnancy, Ben and I talked about whether we were done having kids or not, and were left shrugging.  Some days we have both felt like we are definitely done, and on others the reality of “doneness” is just weird.  We just figure that the Lord will let us know with time.  So since we were (and still are) unsure of what the future holds, I decided on one thing this time around: I would treasure everything.  Weird baby movements that make it hard to breathe.  Attempts at making maternity clothes look somewhat cute.  Hearing superfast heartbeats at doctor visits.  The mystery of how my delivery will go.  Making fun of my swelling legs.  Almost peeing in my pants when the baby repositions herself suddenly.  All of it.   

With my pregnancy history I didn’t think I would ever be able to enjoy the process of having another baby again.  I would enjoy the baby, just not the whole “grow-you-in-my-tummy-and-then-attempt-to-recover-during-an-exhausting-4^th-trimester” phase.  But this time around, knowing that this is possibly my last time to experience these things ever, the finality has made me appreciate what a wonderful experience this really is. 

And the appreciation doesn’t stop tomorrow once our sweet little girl is born.  My goal is the same for the rough newborn phase.  I want to enjoy the squeals, the cries, the outfits covered in spit up, the alone time during night feedings, the wobbliness, and the gradual discovery of who this little person is.  I’m even going to attempt to enjoy nursing.  Maybe even that is possible.  Maybe. 

Motherhood was introduced to me at a very early age, and I can never say thank you to my Heavenly Father fast enough for that wonderful blessing.  But the bittersweet thing about having children is that they grow so fast.  I can’t even believe that I have normal everyday conversations with Skyler and that Lily can sing dozens of Primary songs word for word correctly.  Being given the opportunity to start over with a third is an exciting idea.  

I know that #3 is going to be her own person with her own experiences.  I know that things are going to be tough for a little while as our whole family adjusts.  But I’d be lying if I said I’m not soaking this up.  Maybe I won’t miss everything, but I have a feeling that years down the road, there will be lots of things I will miss.  Like sweet newborn smell.  Watching babies sleep with their honey bunnies up in the air.  Toothless grins when you walk into a room.  Squishy thigh rolls.  The hugeness of reaching little milestones.   

No matter how many kids we end up with, I’m grateful that I have taken the time to savor all of this and not keep asking, “When is this phase going to be over with?”  Because it will be done faster than I want it to be.  And once it’s gone, it’s gone.  Thank goodness for the blog and its awesome super power of memory preservation.   

So here we go.  For possibly the last time.  I have about 24 hours to enjoy my hugeness.   

Next step?  Enjoy whatever comes next. 

The Nursery

Since our daughter will be gracing our presence tomorrow July 26^th, I am relieved to say that as of this past weekend her nursery is finally done.  When we found out we were having a girl -- and we had already firmly decided that she needed her own room -- my mind started going crazy with ideas.  I wanted 2 things in this room: 1) nature, and 2) extreme girliness.  And I think it got accomplished.  But only with help. 

 So on that note…. Thanks Mom for making most of the tulle crib skirt.  And for not doing anything with the 60 yards of the tulle from my wedding decorations and therefore giving it to me for free.  Thank you 5^th grade art teacher who introduced me to Georgia O’Keefe and all of her up-close flower pieces and making me try painting my own back in the day, which has created part of my up-close flower art obsession.  Thank you in advance, Reader, for not making fun of my attempts at painting a stargazer lily and a poppy since I haven’t painted since high school and was too cheap to actually buy paintings. 

Thank you Erin for your super-comfy old la-z-boy that you gave to us for free.  And a major thank you to my mom who welcomed that beast of a recliner into her home, did lots of calculations and designs so that she could sew up a removable slipcover with the amount of fabric we had given her, and then (after a week of work) happily gave it back to us.  Thank you Brooke for the baby shower decorations (the tulle in the curtains you can’t really see, the flowers on the changing table, and the tissue paper flowers that were originally going to go in the nursery but Lily has now claimed as hers…)  Thank you Ben for repainting the changing table. (Remember when he built it for Lily for $30???)

Thank you Erin and Rachel for helping me make the most adorable (in my not so humble opinion) butterfly mobile. Thank you Michaels for clearancing out your packages of cardstock and foil for 1 cent each so that I could buy a 6+ inch stack for less than 20 cents, making my project cheap-a-licious.

Thank you Primary Song maker-uppers for inspiring the quote on the wall.  It’s part of the song My Heavenly Father Loves Me.  Ben and I thought it fit into the nature category well. Thank you to my wonderful Cricut for cutting out the quote.  I love you.  And now so does Ben.  I knew this day would come -- when he form a relationship with my Cricut.  Not that I need to be jealous of a machine or anything…. Even if it has an off button and I don’t….

Thank you Lily and Skyler for letting me spend the time to make this room look cute, even though I tried to do most of the crafting while y’all were in bed.  And thank you for insisting on contributing, too, by drawing up pictures of monsters that will be put up on the back of the door.  Monsters tooooootally fit into the theme of girliness and nature… your little sister will love it.

And the biggest thank you of all to Ben, who quietly stepped aside when I told him that this was my project, and then quietly stepped back in to help when I needed it.  Thank you for hanging up stuff from the ceiling, for painting the entire room gray yourself, for helping out with the quote picture, and for countless other little odds and ends in that room.  You’re a pretty awesome hubby.  Even if you do have a thing for my Cricut….

 So Little Miss Macbeth, we are ready.  You can come any time.  We want to meet you and squeeze you and love you.  Just one thing: if both sonographers were wrong and you’re actually a boy, be prepared for a shocker when you get home. 

Changes

A month ago Ben's company started major layoffs.  Department after department was sifted through and Ben constantly witnessed people walking out to their cars with boxes full of their things.  Then last week rumor came around that Ben's department would be doing layoffs this week.  To say we were holding our breath would be an understatement.  My birthday on Sunday was more of a day when we tried to smile and eat birthday cake but there was a dark cloud following both of us around. 

So Ben decided to fast on Monday.  By the end of his fast both of us felt total and complete peace that everything would turn out fine.  That peace lasted throughout the week, although I'd be lying if I said that I didn't smile a little when Ben came home at 5:30 each day instead of an earlier unusual time. 

But then yesterday as I was putting together one of my last projects for the nursery, I heard the Camry hum in our driveway.  I ran to the front door and peeked through the peep hole, and sure enough, Ben was pulling a box out of the car.  At 11 AM.  Ben was one of dozens to go just that morning.

Of course we had to go through a little shell shock.  But after a few hours we had an overwhelming response from friends and family members, and just having that support alone is such a huge blessing.  Although this isn't our first time around being unemployed (and we NEVER wanted to go through this again) we know that the Lord will take care of us and that everything will work out.  Eventually.  :)  One thing that we immediately did was discuss our many blessings:

• Ben has awesome work experience now. 
• We have savings.
• We know how to be poor and pinch pennies like crazy.
• We have food storage and a year supply of a lot of things (however not all).  And on top of that, we actually know how to cook with our food storage.  I'm now thankful that I filled our freezer chest to the brim with meat and homemade freezer meals when food was on sale.  That's food storage in it's own way.  We still have tons of frozen fruits from when we've gone strawberry picking and farmers' marketing.  Plus we still have 3/4 of the apples that I canned from our mountain trip last fall.  We have enough flour and yeast that I should be able to make homemade bread for months and months. 
• We don't have a lot of bills that normal people have because we've decided to go without things just to save extra money.... like TV and a 2nd cell phone. 
• We bought a really cheap van and paid for it in cash so that we don't have to make payments on either of our cars. 
• Our garden is actually giving us food.

The last time this happened to us, it was one of the greatest blessings we could imagine (after months of stressing, worrying, and all that pleasantness).  So we're thinking of this in the same light.  We're thankful that we've been able to have 2 years of financial stability and growth, and we look forward to what is to come. 

36 Week Baby Bump... er... Mountain and Birthday Season

The uberly cheesy take-a-picture-of-yourself-in-the-bathroom-mirror-because-your-hubby-is-at-work-and-you-don't-trust-a-toddler-with-your-camera picture.



I am officially full term people.  36 weeks.  And although the calendar and my frequent OB visits keep reminding me of this fact, it’s not hard to remember when the top of my thighs hit my belly every step of the way upstairs.  Or when I have to hurl my legs over the side of our bed to pull myself up into sitting position.  Or when my tummy decides to take up art classes by squeezing up against my kitchen counters and collecting every bit of food I drop.  Or when people stop me almost every time I’m out in public to ask if I’m overdue or having twins, and when I say no they always shake their heads sympathetically and say “God bless you.”  (Oh Southern hospitality, I love you.  Especially because of that random middle aged couple in Kroger who bought my kids M&M’s just because they took one look at ginormous me with 2 kiddos in tow and said, “We’ve been there.”)  Yeah, I’d say we’re getting near the end, which is good since I had an ultrasound yesterday telling me that our baby is just about 7 pounds already.  Not too shabby since my weight gain is at 23 pounds right now. 

Last weekend I was given a surprise baby shower.  I don’t have pictures but I took a bunch of the decorations home so that I can put them in the nursery once it’s painted, so I’ll eventually post pics of that instead.  My sweet friends who put it on told me that it was a craft party (sound familiar????) and when I showed up there was a whole spread of yummy food – which was not lacking in the chocolate department, I’ll tell you that much.  It was DE-LISH.  The other ladies all made gifts for the baby and she will be so cutely dressed and all accessoried up once she gets here.



This past week we also had the chance to celebrate Ben’s 29^th birthday.   The day consisted of me making his favorite breakfast (think monkey bread but with nuts and butterscotch pudding in it) and putting his candles in it only 10 minutes after it had been pulled out of the oven.  It was sort of a Sleeping Beauty moment because the candles kept falling over.  Finally I pulled them out to realize that everything but the wicks had melted and sure enough, we found colorful wax in our breakfasts.  Yaaaaay!  Ben had to hold his own candles as we sang to him.  Let’s just say that lunch was a much safer bet when we picked him up from work and went to a yummy Greek restaurant. 

Next it's my birthday.  Then it's the baby's.  Then it's Skyler's.  And then birthday season will be over with at the end of the month.  Whew.

Love You Gramps

Yesterday morning I learned that my grandfather “Gramps” died in the night due to the cancer that he had been fighting for months.  When I got the phone call from my mom my heart kind of dropped because even though Gramps had been going downhill quickly in the last little bit of his life, I wasn’t ready. 

Today I was going to have the kids draw him some pictures that I could mail to him.  As I write this Lily is drawing a picture of our family so that we can still give it to him, even if he won’t get to see it. I think that Gramps would have enjoyed the little pizza slice version of our family (imagine pizza slices with faces and legs with our names) since children were a huge part of his heart.

The hardest part of this situation for me is that I desperately wanted to go to L.A. to say my final goodbye.  But with me being 35 weeks into my pregnancy it would be impossible for me to get on a plane and fly across the country.  But I would have done it in a heartbeat had I not been in my last trimester -- even with 2 crazy kids and a 3 day-old baby, by myself -- if Gramps would have lived a little longer. 

Gramps definitely wasn’t a perfect person.  Sometimes he didn’t say things the way normal people would, but there is no doubt in my mind where his heart was.  But at least when he joked that he would chop off my thumb when I was 6 if I didn’t stop sucking it, I actually did stop sucking my thumb.  J

One thing that I treasure about Gramps is that he was so selfless.  He lived a very very humble life, even though he had the means not to.  Gramps always put his time, service, and money in the hands of those he loved instead of thinking about himself.  There have been several times in mine and Ben’s marriage when Gramps would ask me how we were doing financially.  Even when Ben and I were barely scraping by I’d tell him we were fine.  Later that week I would still find a check in the mail.  Many times it was our saving grace to pay for rent or buy groceries.  Every birthday (and even on many holidays) I could always expect a card in the mail with money and a request from Gramps to spend it in a way that would make me happy.  And not only did I get them, my family has had many friends who got birthday cards several years in a row enclosed with cash simply because they were our friends.  To Gramps, that was enough to mean that they were his friends, too.

Wherever he was, he found a way to serve.  When he’d visit us he’d ask for a list of things that needed to be fixed or done around the house and he’d busy himself working when he wasn’t playing with my sisters and me.  When he lived at home he always helped his neighbors and found ways to volunteer in his community. 

But the thing that I loved best about Gramps was that he called me on the phone every single week of my life.  Most of the time our conversations would sound identical to other conversations we’ve already had, but it didn’t matter.  Even if he was just calling to check up on me and to tell me that he was painting his bathroom, what he was really saying was that he loved me enough to make time for me, even if nothing too exciting was happening in my life.  And that, perhaps, is what I will miss the most.  I will miss my phone ringing every Saturday.

One particular memory I have of Gramps is when I first moved to Rexburg.  My mom and sister, Becca, had just left from getting me settled, and I was completely alone in a place I had never been to in my life.  As excited as I was to start college, I felt a deep sadness and fear of being alone.  So within hours of being abandoned, I left my apartment (where I was the only roommate to have moved in at that point) and went up to campus to distract myself.  To probably no one’s surprise I found myself in the BYU-Idaho gardens.  I easily concealed myself among some big plants next to a fountain, and I let myself cry.  After about 10 minutes of bawling my eyes out, my phone rang.  It was Saturday morning so of course it was Gramps.  Not sure of whether I wanted to pick up or not, I let it ring a few times before I finally decided to talk to him.  I can’t remember exactly what we talked about, but I can remember that Gramps had no idea that I was crying but he said exactly what I needed to hear to make me feel more uplifted and ready to start my new journey.  By the time that we were saying goodbye I can remember feeling the need to somehow hug him through the phone for the comfort he had given me. 

Every phone call ended the same with Gramps saying, “I love you and miss you.”  If I could say anything to him right now it would be those words.  I really do love you and miss you Gramps.  I’m so happy that you’re in a happier place. 

4

This little bug turned 4 on Sunday.  And since I (once again) earned the worst mother of the year award by bawling my eyes out concerning the fact a few days beforehand (it was my, er, hormones.... ummm.... yeah...), I was able to enjoy Saturday.  Ever since we went to Myrtle Beach in February Lily has asked if she could go to the beach for her birthday.  So for months and months she asked if it was June yet, and I'd have to say no and try to explain how much time was left.  Finally it was June and Lily was so used to hearing that she had to keep waiting that I don't think she really believed it was her birthday until we actually arrived at the beach and she saw the ocean. 

I thought that when I had Lily 2 weeks before I turned 20, I would automatically fit into the "young hip mom" category.  Over and over again I have been proven wrong.  Cue scene of me putting sunscreen on my kids.  On Memorial Day weekend we let Skyler run around in our backyard topless for 2 hours.  The result?  A bad sunburn with dime sized blisters covering his shoulders for a week.  I learned my lesson after that.  So when we got to the beach the kiddos kept begging to run into the water but I made them stay put until they had about a gallon of sunscreen on each of their little bodies.  Ben kept giving me that, "are you serious?" look.  Even my parents looked at me like I was somewhat ridiculous.  Sure they looked like they had just been attacked by a whole pigeon brigade, but let me just say that none of us (except for Ben) came home with a sunburn.  Oh snap.

 These two had some good bonding time trying to catch the tiny fish that would roll in with every wave.  Ben got pinched by a crab in the process which made me freak out a little bit, so it didn't help when Ben was sitting behind me and tried to scare me by grabbing my hand from under the sand.  But that's what you can expect from being married to Ben.

It was the absolute perfect beach day.  One of my favorite parts was digging a hole in the sand and positioning my 34.5 week tummy inside so I could lie on my stomach for the first time in months.  Aaaaahhhh.  So relaxing.  And I may or may not have been dreaming of that moment for a loooooong time beforehand.

 We opened presents and had cake on Lily's real birthday the next day after church and naptime.  (Forgive the poor quality picture that had to be taken on my phone since I temporarily broke my camera at the beach *ahem*)  This is Lily freaking out over some big girl jewelry that Nanni and Papa gave her.  I can't believe how much Lily is growing up.

Lily had 4 requests for her birthday.  All of which we were happy to agree to.

1. Go to the beach.
2. Eat Chickel-a aka Chick-fil-a in Lily/Skyler lingo.
3. Have a rectangle chocolate cake with pink frosting, and marshmallows that she gets to put on the cake herself.  Yes, it really was that specific.
4. Go to the temple.  She really did request this as a birthday activity about a month or two in advance.  But since the temple gates are closed on Sundays we're going to be doing this one later this week, so pictures are to come.

Miss Lil, Daddy and I love you sooooo much.  We're so glad you came to our family 4 years ago.