An Update on my Blindness and Heart

You may not know (or remember) that I have been partially blind in my right eye for the past 3 years.  You can read more about that HERE.  After doing a few series of tests with my ophthalmologist, we came to the conclusion that they were all inconclusive and that we didn't know what would ever happen to my vision -- whether it would be restored or if I would be partially blind forever.

Yesterday, for the first time, I noticed that I could see fully out of my right eye.  And not just see -- but FOCUS!  The blind part of my vision was smack-dab in the center where you need to focus.  I have never appreciated good vision as much as I have in the last 3 years and I have learned a lot from it.  Here are a couple things I have learned from being partially blind:

• Your peripherals are amazing!  After a while of being blind, I forgot that I actually was blind because my peripherals would take over -- kind of like how your nose is always in your vision but your brain knows not to focus on it.  My brain would work around my blind spot and sort of fill in the gap unless I needed to focus on something, and that's when I would remember again that I was blind.
• Your peripherals are nothing compared to your center vision.  You obviously cannot focus on anything with your peripherals and so I would have to solely rely on my left eye to do many things like reading, doing makeup, or doing artwork.  My artwork has suffered quite a bit since being blinded.  It's amazing how much you need both eyes to see lighting and proper depth perception.  It's been so fascinating for me to test my peripherals and realize that my brain can see something but it can't translate or understand fine details.

Since my blindness was caused by stress, I've since learned that bodies can do innumerable things to warn you that you are too stressed.  I've since learned that it's not worth the stress to hold myself to ridiculous standards when my ability to see is at stake.  

But since my blindness was what led me to learn about 2 of my 3 heart conditions, I will always be grateful for it.  3 years of difficulty seeing was worth knowing how to best help myself.  I have since learned of a few people who have the same problems as I, and we all seem to have one thing in common -- before we were diagnosed, several people wouldn't believe our struggles to be real (sometimes including ourselves).  But hearing about how these other people get weak or faint on a regular basis has shown me that I am not alone and that it really isn't worth it to try to pretend to be anything but a person with heart problems.  

Since my diagnosis, I have been able to take much better care of myself and haven't suffered nearly as much.  My faintness gets triggered by heat, too much exercise, pain, stress, and too little salt in my diet.  So all I have to do is avoid those things as much as possible.  I hurt my ankle a couple of weeks ago while Ben was in NYC.  I was getting cereal down from a high shelf in the pantry and fell off the stool.  The kids were surrounding me as I was lying on the floor getting faint from the pain and all I could think of was, "How am I going to get the kids ready for school while I'm unconscious?!"  Such is the life I live.  But I constantly remind myself of how grateful I am to have already had my four kids because with each one my heart got worse and my pregnancies were hard.  I am also grateful that I made it through 4 kids without a doctor telling me to stop having them.  Others like me are not so lucky.

So Blindness, you were worth it!  Thank you for being the reason I learned about my heart.  It has been a fascinating 3 years but I think it would be for the best if we didn't repeat them...