The Story Behind Baby #5

For those of you who have known us for years (or at least have read my blog for years), you are probably fully aware that Thad was going to be our last baby.  I have 3 heart conditions and my biggest heart problem is exacerbated when I'm pregnant and then is made slightly worse after each delivery.

But let's be honest.  Having 4 kids is hard anyway.

We felt a lot of peace being done with 4.  Until December 1st, 2015.

Sometimes I have inspired dreams.  Sometimes I have really weird random dreams.  And sometimes I can't tell which is which.  I have passed off inspired dreams as random dreams before and then watched the whole dream unfold in reality later on.  It has been a many years long process to learn how to understand my dreams, and I have had to learn to rely heavily on the spirit to guide me.

As morning was approaching on December 1st, I started having a special dream.  In the dream, I was sitting in a hospital bed, looking down at a baby in my arms.  My doctor and a couple of nurses were also in the room with me.  The normal things that happen in your hospital room after you have a baby happened.  There was no huge event that happened, I just remember feeling so much joy as I looked at the baby in my arms.

I didn't really "wake up."  My dream and reality kind of blended together and all of a sudden I was just "aware" of what I just experienced.  I felt this overwhelming sense of peace, even though I normally would have been panicking at that point.  I immediately got on my knees and prayed to know whether this dream was inspired or not.  My answer wasn't yes or no like I was expecting.  My answer was that I needed to get a blessing from the bishop.  So, awkardly, I emailed our bishop and told him what happened.  He agreed to give me a blessing during our family's tithing settlement.

We had to wait a few days before the blessing, and Ben and I prayed the entire week for an answer.  We went back and forth as to whether or not the dream was inspired.  In all honesty, it would have been so much more convenient for us if it was not inspired.  But we didn't want to possibly dismiss counsel directly from Heavenly Father.

When the bishop asked us if we had figured out whether the dream was inspired or not, we both shook our heads because we were still in shock from the idea that we could possibly have another baby.  The bishop then gave me my blessing.  In it, he talked all about how Heavenly Father is having a difficult time finding good homes that are actually willing to take extra children.  He told me that my body would be blessed "to fulfill the measure of its creation."  On, and on and on, he said thing after thing that spelled out that our family was not yet complete.

When the blessing was done, Ben, the bishop, and I all looked like deer in the headlights.  Our bishop is one of the happiest people I have ever met, and I'm pretty sure this was the first time I have ever seen him not smiling.  I will never forget that look that was a mix of sympathy and compassion.  As we headed out the door he sweetly told me, "Sometimes I really hate being the mouthpiece for the Lord."  I laughed.

Long story short, Ben and I came to reality that we were going to have another baby.  We understood that I needed to get my answer through the bishop because we both needed to hear the same words with our own ears.  We decided that we needed to have a Nephi mentality instead of a Laman and Lemual one.  We needed to be obedient without complaint.

A few days later I had my IUD removed (when I landed in the hospital from hemorrhaging).  But then something really special happened.  Ben's Cisco manager mentioned a new position that Ben would be perfect for.  This was the job we have been waiting years for.  After several weeks of interviewing, Ben was given the job.  Ben and I feel strongly that this job is a direct blessing for our obedience.  I don't say this to brag, I say this to prove how much Heavenly cares deeply about each of us.

This new job has been the biggest blessing we could have asked for in return for having another baby.  Our new insurance coverage is so much better and we have switched from paying $750/month to $230.  And my favorite part of the deal: 3 weeks of paid paternity leave.  The kids are excited and we are excited.  Heaven help us come November 13th!