This Pregnancy

Ben and I have been on this crazy journey for about 2 years now.  It started with a clear dream about having a baby, having the bishop confirm the dream was inspired in a priesthood blessing, then having several prayers answered that yes, we were supposed to have a 5th despite some health concerns.

I lost one baby in April 2016 at 11 weeks.

I lost two babies in September 2016 at 11 weeks.

I lost one baby in February 2017 at 6 weeks.

And I lost another baby in May 2017 at 5 weeks.

I know I'll never forget any of those experiences, but I really want to record it just so that it's there.  It really did happen.  It wasn't easy.

These past two years have been so full of doctors appointments, blood work, trying different medications, and lots and lots of prayers.

I don't know today why I had to go through all of this, but I know one day I'll truly understand.  It was interesting because I had a few different men give me priesthood blessings at different points in this journey (one even a stranger while we were in England), and every time I was told the same thing: my body was doing exactly what it was supposed to be doing.  This made no sense to me since the Lord had clearly told us we were supposed to have another baby.  We were trying everything on our part to make that happen, but every miscarriage was completely out of our control.  I didn't understand how this could be what "my body was supposed to be doing."

However, many of the blessings Ben has given me have talked about the importance that I learn empathy through these trials.  Maybe one day I'll meet someone who has a similar experience and I hope I can lessen the misery that they will have to endure.

I think I will eventually feel emotionally healed from all that has happened, I just don't feel like I'm there quite yet. 

Ben and I agreed that after the four miscarriages, we were only going to attempt one more pregnancy before going the adoption route.  We had so little hope for a successful pregnancy that we had done tons of research about adoption and were preparing for it.  So when I saw the positive pregnancy test, it was a bittersweet moment of being excited but dreading the possible miscarriage to come. 

It was a Sunday morning when I took that test and as I was sitting in Sacrament meeting that day I had a really special and sacred experience.  The night before I had just finished reading the 4 Gospels in my personal scripture study.  It wasn't a coincidence.  As the Sacrament was being blessed and passed, the spirit came to me and asked me a question:  "Did Jesus ever refuse to heal anyone who asked to be healed during his ministry?"  For the first time ever I realized that He didn't.  Then the spirit asked me a second question:  "Do you have to be near Christ or even touch the hem of His garment to be healed?"  I answered no.  Then the last question the spirit asked me was, "Does the atonement also apply to you, Heather?"  I answered yes.  I felt a really warm and comforting sensation and felt the words "Be thou healed."

Doctors never could figure out what was wrong with me.  I could never figure out what was wrong with me.  But I knew Heavenly Father knew what was wrong with me and that through the atonement I could be healed. 

That experience gave Ben and me the greatest hope for this pregnancy.  Then, as I had with my previous pregnancies, I started visiting my OB for testing every other day.  This pregnancy was different than the others.  It looked not only hopeful, but even more healthy than the average pregnancy.  All my results were incredible. 

In the morning I'll be 16 weeks.  I have been able to feel the baby move for about 3 weeks now and Ben felt the baby for the first time yesterday.  I can't believe how blessed we are.  I can't express how excited we are for May 2018 when we finally get to meet this little person we have fought so hard to include in our family. 

Life Catch Up

I feel like before this year I had a pretty great habit of keeping this blog constantly up to date.  But in January I was called to be Relief Society 1st Counselor, I've been teaching 1-2 homeschooling art classes a week voluntarily all year, and then in September I started teaching after school art classes part time.  Oh yeah, and on top of that, I homeschool my kids.  Oh, and I also have to shuttle my kids around to their extracurriculars.

Suffice it to say that my days are busy from the time I wake up until I go to bed at night.  I often dream about how incredible it would be to have a whole day to myself to just read in bed and take naps.  That would be incredible.  (I've told Ben that when we one day become empty nesters and it will be the first time I have the house to myself, I might just take a year off to do absolutely nothing but my calling.)

For now, I'm going to try to be better at keeping the blog up to date since this is my form of journaling.  Sorry, to everyone who has hoped to catch up with us only to find no updates.  And sorry to my future self for falling behind.

Skyler's Baptism

This has been the year of losing my photos.  I've lost my photos several times in different ways, but the memory card I had all of Skyler's baptism photos on literally snapped in half and is completely ruined.  So I had to gather photos from family members (and what I had posted on facebook).  Thanks, Mum, for sharing these.

Skyler was baptized on August 12th, 2017.  We were so proud of him!

Skyler was baptized with two of his friends.  Ben gave the the talk on baptism.  After Skyler came out of the water and throughout the rest of the day, I'll never forget how he was all smiles.  When he walked back into the chapel right after getting changed out of his wet clothes, he said, "Mom, I just feel so warm inside."  It was such a special day.  We are so grateful to have Skyler in our lives.  He truly is such a great kid and I don't say that as a biased mom.  We are so proud of his choices and are thankful that he looks to Christ as a perfect example.

Ballet Observation Week

Twice a year our dance academy allows the parents to actually come in and watch.  It's a good thing they don't let parents come in regularly because whenever we do the girls are always so distracted.  Here are some pics of my adorable girls.

Ella is OBSESSED with tap.  She loves her shoes so much that she wears them home from dance each week and stomps her whole way inside.

Already getting measured for her recital costume that she'll wear in June.  I can tell you this much:  Lily has put on about 3 pounds in the last 3 years but has grown tall.  This 9 year-old is 63 pounds!  I can still carry her everywhere!

Stretching into a split

Hill Ridge Farms

Becca and Preston were in town for a few days and so we decided to visit Hill Ridge Farms since that sounded fun for all five kids ages 2-9.  

They loved this maze!  I'm pretty sure Ella would have been happy to do this the entire 3 hours we were there.  It was hard to get her to leave and see the other attractions.

Beautiful child.  His eyes match his shirt and hat.  

There was about a 10 minute wait to go down the giant slide and Colby is two which is self-explanatory.  So we took pictures to keep him happy.  I love this one.  He also took an up-close picture of my eye that completely creeps me out, so it's not on the blog.  You're welcome.

Skyler kept stealing the corn kernels from the corn pit to feed to the farm animals.  This was by far his favorite part of the day.  

Ella climbed on this pig and then realized she couldn't sit up and she was stuck in that position.  We had a good laugh about it.  Sorry, Ella!

Being the awesome uncle that he is, Preston put Skyler on his shoulders so that he could hand-feed the goats.  It was awesome!

We went on a hay ride to go and choose our pumpkins.  The kids noticed that there were 5 kids and 5 adults and so Lily suggested that we partner up.  My four were quick to choose between Becca, Preston, and my parents, and Colby, being two and not picking up on this stuff quickly, was stuck with me.  Poor little guy.

He was very particular about choosing his pumpkin.  He didn't want "a Daddy pumpkin or a Mommy pumpkin but a Baby pumpkin."  So after about 20 pumpkins he found the perfect one.

Thad's 4th Birthday

I gave Thad a lot of options for his birthday party this year.  It's his first birthday party ever and he was so excited.  I may have tried to convince him that we should just go out to see the Lego Ninjago movie with his buddies, but after Ella's Build-a-Bear party, he insisted on having his own.  And honestly, these parties are great.  I don't have to do anything, and I spend basically the same amount of money as when I come up with a party at home.  It's a win-win.

But we told the kids that next year, no one's getting a party.  Ha!  Just family celebrations.

I am greatly looking forward to the day when I tell Thad to smile and I get a natural smile in return.  But until then, I will just laugh at these crazy smiles I get instead.

Eli named his bear "Thad."  Awwww!

Cute little Colby.

Lily and Skyler knew they were the old kids and that they would have to wait and stuff their bears last.  They are so used to being patient.

:

Thaddeo received some pretty sweet gifts this year.  He finally got his own Lego's (he dies whenever the older kids get them).  He got some sweet cars, and we gave him his dream: a Chewbacca Nerf crossbow.

Because I spaced it and never got a picture of Ben's amazing R2-D2 cake and only have this video of its proof.  Ben is such an amazing dad.